Saturday, July 17, 2004

Bush Claims "God speaks through me."

Visiting with Amish families in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, (registration req.) Bush reportedly told them, "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.’’

Great. Just what we need, a President who can't do his job without divine interlocution. No wonder the poor man seems to have marbles in his mouth and mollasas between his ears all the time, he's struggling for control of his speech centers with a god!

So, I guess it was God who said, "Bring it on!" Puts a whole new spin on those words. It wasn't some little twerp who had never been anywhere near combat taunting our enemies to kill our troops. It was God laying the smack on, with the stuff to back it up.

Perhaps God speaks through St. Cheney as well. In which case it was the Lord God Almighty who told the heathen Senator Leahy to go fuck himself. In which case, the Senator had better go lube up.

And if God speaks through them, why not the whole Blessed Administration?

Bishop Ashcroft was obviously channeling God when he said, "We have no King but Jesus." I had always just assumed as much, actually. The Godly perspective of Holy Fool Rumsfeld when he said, "I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty," now has an obvious origin. And who could doubt the Godly insight of the Vestal Virgin Rice's claim that, "We need a common enemy to unite us."

We have finally discovered the secret of this Administration; everything they say is not just sanctioned by God, it is actually God speaking to us. We must learn humility and accept the words of God without question. This Blessed Administration has access to a higher truth, which, though it seems very much like distortions and lies to we mere morals, is communicated to us directly by God Himself. Who are we to question God? We are just fortunate that such a confluence of Superheroes, capable of acting as conduits for the God of Abaham, have been given to us in the form of this Holy Apostolic Administration in our Holy Empire's hour of need.

Praise Him everyone! Oh, Praise Him! Yes, Praise the Prophet Bush, Our Lord and Master, who condescends to shitteth in our unworthy faces! Hosannas on the Highest!


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